The Ugly Truth: Confessions of a Blogger

Everyone has ulterior motives, right? Look, I’ve always been fascinated by humanity and the individual’s vocation in life. I seem to have an obsession with kindness and altruism, and it’s clear (though underrated) practical effectiveness in everyday life.

Nothing is quite as it seems

Sadly, when you write about a topic as immoderately as I’ve done these years, readers begin to conflate the work with the author. See I won’t complain about achieving a seemingly positive rep, but I may as well point out that it all is indeed fabulously false, and if ever you’re in search of a bona fide brat, don’t look much further than between these mystified lines.

😊 beauty doesn’t require technical skill 😊

In April 2023 I wrote (probably still my favourite article) about the correlation between choosing the good, and the beauty that so doing brings out from within a person (see: A Beautiful Purpose). Any people pleaser/suck up/validation sponge will attest to the sheer and unfailing effectiveness of this social scheme.

I’m very grateful for the comments I get here and there on my writing; I’m still not that confident in it, so they do mean a great deal, and encourage me to keep at it. For the aforementioned post, one very kind person made the rookie mistake, of again conflating what had been written, with she who held the pen. I will say, that everything mentioned was touching because, in an unprecedented manner, it so concisely articulated what I would one day like to be (I’ll need a lot of help to get there though).

I loooove this <3 <3

The irony of it was that, if they had any self-awareness it’d be apparent that the conversational attentiveness they attributed to this PTSD-afflicted scatter brain, was in fact one of their self-distinguishing traits. And he should know that :)

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I guess I know what it’s like to not feel heard, which is probably why I try to practice good listening. However a lot of the time the attentive eyes you see here are purely a veneer for a mind that can’t stop buzzing about her own issues...I’d like to see past the end of my nose, it’s just too bad I was born with an exceptionally large one.

While I guess I’m not here to make excuses for myself, I kind of do think that self-seeking and validative tendencies are pretty understandable in people who have lacked praise and support in their upbringing. In the same sense, those who were nurtured in secure relationships generally seek the approval of others far less, and to add to this are very generous in their encouragement of others: the success of whom poses no threat to their self-assurance.

Can take a lifetime to accept this :)

At the end of the day, we’re all made of the same base fabrics, and making a fair moral judgement on anybody requires an awareness of their influencing circumstances as well as insight into their hidden intentions: this kind of intel isn’t so easy to garner. I think that life is about playing the cards we were dealt creatively and with lots of tact. It’s also about accepting the greatest paradox in this life which is that we always win when, with grace, we allow others to beat us. (Please email me your rebuttals for this because I know you’ve got them…I love respectful debates ;)

Speaking really honestly here, I’m very grateful to have the skill of writing, because it’s allowed me to express myself more fully throughout life: either by thesis-lengthed texts, writing letters and now here. Childhood trauma screws your brain up, and sluggish cognitive processing makes it pretty hard to follow and respond to conversations efficiently, which can be isolating. Effective treatment changes things drastically, but we’re all creatures of habit and social angst will always be a trade signature of mine.

Some false advertising for your Monday x

Since the gloves are now off, I have to emphasise that I’m not as sweet and unassuming as I look, and Rustic Chic fulfilled it’s purpose much more than any payable networking portal ever could have. Over the past two years, it’s opened up hundreds of deeper conversations that simply wouldn’t have occurred without the site’s initial prompting. Apparently we’re a lot more interesting when we’re our authentic selves…and most of us don’t have to bare our souls online to figure this out ;) (unless they find it oddly therapeutic ahah).

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To each of those I’ve gotten to know better because our algorithms came into sync at one point, please know it’s been a true privilege, and will never be forgotten. Fifteen years is quite a long time to live with brain fog, and now that I can fully expound my intellect, I’m grateful it had such a soft place to land in these hearts.

<3

I guess at the end of the day we’re just made up of good and bad parts, and we have to stop being so surprised by this. Marble is nice, but it cracks under pressure and is extremely uncomfortable to sit on. Good human beings aren’t perfect, but they’re not discouraged by their weaknesses, nor are they repulsed by the ineptitudes of others. And there are plenty of lovely people out there <3