Dishonourable Intentions: A Ratbag’s Cheatsheet to Righteousness

…Just kidding, I’m still a square, and I’ll never live that one down. But squares have sharp edges darling. We may be loyal, but we’re never naïve. Our right angles also don’t exclude us of wrongness; they rather blind us to our defects - bad analogies for instance.

…a bit rough around the edges

I’m a decent person, but I wouldn’t say I’m a very good one. A girl has her dreams though 😇🥰

Goodness is hard to define. It’s everything that holds this life together. It’s the beauty providing hope, and the truth we crave answers from. It’s the imprecise element adding weight to the small things, and the force which somehow moves a heart within rigid anatomical structures. It’s the magnetism within a good human being discounting physique and worldly triumphs, and it’s absence causes aversion toward those we’d otherwise find hard to resist having affection for.

Lucy H; my light and idol ✨

Goodness is everything we truly aspire to be; the goals we set in life are only a mode to reaching this final end.

See, every action we take has its sights on an end benefitting either ourselves or others. We desire lots of ‘bad’ things too, but of themselves these aren’t terrible; their intention and timing merely require tweaking.

No human being has the capacity to desire evil. There are many souls out there who are simply hurting and misunderstood.

The desires discussed above might more effectively be divided rather into higher and lower goods. Acquiring an education was an end pursued calling for the constant sacrifice of many lower goods…it was Zoella’s YouTube channel for me, and yet she was still a fundamental element of my female formation 💅💕

Adults usually develop a knack for discerning the ranking of goods in their life, and will habitually pursue the greater according to the level of virtue they have thus far achieved, thanks simply to practice 🤭💕

🤫🤫😂

The headache always occurs, however, at that tantalising juncture known as the present moment. Celestial goods might be nice to dream on, but nothing beats the salty satisfaction of getting what we want at the moment our cravings are peaking…my basic command of English vocab and syntax won’t ever reflect the magnitude of this phenomena.

Yet, human beings really are more capable than we think, and as such we’re capable of experiencing the happiness that there truly are no words for.

…‘Peace’ pretty much sums it up, though. Trust me…it’s better than fireworks 😘

…

Look, this is all very nice, but the journey between the head and the heart, is a lifelong one. Looking at where I am as a person and where I one day want to be, I’m already exhausted 😂

And sometimes you just have to cheat.

…Enter Stage:

“Dishonourable Intentions: all the right things for all the wrong reasons” (Pty Ltd).

We hope that the actions we carry out daily have major elements of altruism at their core, however it’s more likely that selfish ambition plays more of a leading role.

I do think there’s a certain power in this, though. Some children are naturally more self-giving than others, yet it’s nonetheless an evolutionary reality that we are strongly wired to self-preserve.

Amber’s ducks: used without permission 🤭

But surviving is empty without flourishing. The happy company of others is a fundamental requirement for this ideal. As a PTSD sufferer, my brain lies to me constantly, and I’ve never had any issues playing a few tricks of my own on it.

I’m extremely conscious of my hidden intentions for action, so I’ll say with no wish for opposition please, that in my mind and heart my own desires come greatly before the true needs of others. Fortunately I learned early in life that being a jerk made me miserable, so in a selfish attempt to avoid melancholy, I tried my best to be nice. What I didn’t then realise, was that altruism was addictive, and the more it’s practiced the more heartfelt it becomes.

…and they wonder why I have imposter syndrome 😉😂

The People’s Pope

Anyway…this all happened some time ago 🤪 Sweet little Catholic I now am, I found myself in confession on Friday with a large hornet.

As a nurse, I’m a sensible shoe type of gal, it’s only when venomous insects violently attach themselves to our lovely leather gloves, that we opt for heeled boots and frighten the Mass attending faithful as we rush to evict a fiendish assailant.

If Hell’s governing body thought an insect invasion would prevent due penitence, he hasn’t visited Coogee during summer. Fr. Roberto enquired after the victor, and if the clatter of a solid boot isn’t a self-proclamation, I don’t know what is. Weather permitting, the remains of this innocent devil can be found on St Mary’s Cathedral side steps.

Why are Catholics so dramatic 🤭 Lucifer, King of Hell by Gustav Doré

…

Sometimes we need to nip things in the bud. While German-crafted heels were handy in this instance, varicose veins are an ever-looming possibility for nurses, and as such ergonomic measures must be sought to keep us on the right path.

It’s pretty clear I’ve never been lucky in love, but if I go to the grave alone I’ll be happy I told a few good stories beforehand 🤭😂…and here goes some pretty risky journalism 🙈

The wisest words I’ve read this year 😂😂😂

Allow me to present the trilemma which currently surrounds me: The Future Priest, The Best Friend and The Already Taken but Conflicted…the truth is always harder to believe than fable 🤭🤪

I’m a sensible woman, and I see clearly what we have here isn’t a cross-roads but a beautiful little cul-de-sac. But the heart still wants its own, and sometimes we indulge impossibility, not because we’re silly but because we’re lovers 💕✨

The problem about men is that they’re lovely. It’s the eyes that get us first, then we move past this and realise their biceps and shoulders are almost as gorgeous as their hearts. I’ve been flashed the ‘picky’ card a couple of times, yet contrary to this I think I’m the silliest girl of them all; one disinterested act of kindness towards a third party and I’ll be swooning for weeks 🤪🤭

Maybe a bit extra jam next time, please 🙏😇

I’ve had several discussions with Management on the men in my life, and the answer has always been the same. And while it hurts me deeply, I can never help but see how right He is.

In February, while the Melbourne sourced gin helped with the speech-flow, the most beautiful set of blue eyes ever to meet my own, was farewelled with a rather wordy monologue (🙈😂) narrating his perfection for the clergy. I’ll be expecting a thankyou card from the Vatican in 2063 for the service I provided to the Papacy in not marrying a surgeon.

Clasping a person’s well built arm for an evening, especially in the midst of a personal crisis, almost has the capacity to destroy the richest, authentic and soul-filled of friendships. There are times for taking risks and then there are situations for respecting what we already have. Some men have everything to offer, but the lucky ones, in addition to their natural merits, will have two of the most loyal gal pals by his side forever 🐛❤️

Timing can be everything…people can know each other for years without understanding one another, and then once we listen it can be a (lovely) hair’s breadth too late. Without meeting a woman, it’s always true that she wants to be loved exclusively: the pain of female rivalry can be extraordinary. When we find a beautiful heart in a man not rightfully ours, it’s our role to ensure it remains uncorrupted for the sake of his girl ❤️

…

I agree with you; life really isn’t fair. But I know for a fact that it’s collateral beauty is truly immeasurable 🌸 If you’ve met me, hopefully you’ve perceived how deeply contented I am, and I hope our meeting helped you as much as it most likely did me ✨ Well now you know all my secrets 😂😂😂

My nursing mum, Karen and I, have life stories, interests and temperaments which are frankly quite eerily alike. What we don’t fully agree upon is what this entry is clearly pushing 😂 And yet Karen is everything I aspire to be, because she’s more often than not chosen what she thought was best, even if it costed her greatly… And to whomever is keeping tabs on us all, I think this counts for a lot ❤️

And with that, I think I’ll sign off in the infamous words of my late Aunty Jill, who was the most righteous ratbag I ever knew…

“Be good, and if you can’t be good, be careful.”