Perfection and Other Road Blocks; Reflections of a Fully Licensed Amateur

So I went for a drive today. See, that sentence looks just lovely as it is, however I think we’d all be in blissful denial if I didn’t convey the sentiments of disquietude leading up to, permeating, and which eventually diverged from my Saturday outing.             

Luckily subtlety isn’t a strong suit of mine, so attempting to slip dispiritedly into my room after barely getting my Go-Get going, led to our less camera-harassed, and more quietly observant housemate scooting me back down the street, before my nerves did…happily reminding me that there’s really nothing I can do in this life without help :)

Yep. Stop with the photos.

The fact I pay seventeen bucks per month for a scrap of internet real-estate, seems to make me think I can sound off as much as I like. Clearly this is a huge concern; give her an inch and she’ll take a mile (albeit on foot). But us trauma-children are natural philosophers; when the only freedom you have is whatever she left of your brain, you think. And so again, I’ve got a little theory to propose today.

While it would be wonderful if my carefree lifestyle didn’t sit on the strained impulse of Sydney buses, I think there’s a lot more potential in this learning curve than local tourism. See driving expertise would give me a bit of practical freedom, but accepting the reality that I’m just in my shit driver era, and then getting on with it, would give me a great deal more liberty.

It’s pretty sad that our culture of utility does cause us to conflate personal self assurance and worth with what we can achieve. I think one of the best ways to showcase the fallacy in this mindset is by recognising that the people we like the most, are the ones who make us feel better about ourselves, by vividly illustrating their own ‘sub-parness’ (*when I stop wearing security lipstick I might fit into this group*).

Can she be my editor please x

Anyway, I’m still mortified that by the end of the week another 50 people will know that I still may as well be a teenager…(I think I must like doing these publications for the plot, and accompanying adrenaline surge).   

Insecurity is a funny thing. Most people worth knowing have perspective, and we know how often we give others the benefit of the doubt. The navy shopping caddy I use in lieu of a normal car boot probably doesn’t exude the aesthetic of a funky-Coogee-local, but hopefully my neighbours look beyond the style and grace I freely sacrificed for pragmatism, and appreciate that while I really am a coward, there are probably some reasons for why I’m so timid.

Look, I really haven’t needed a car up until recently, but I do think I would have bought one anyway if I hadn’t been raised to be scared of error. It’s annoying that years on, these things still affect us, but perspective is crucial in determining what we’ve still managed to achieve. After all, a mountain climber approaching the summit could cover the same ground as a man scrambling out of a pit. And they’ll both be grateful for the culminating view.

…

I do get told frequently that I possess a lot of insight for my age. To start with, I’m almost 30 so I bloody-well hope so, and secondly I think these things are just inevitable results of experiences and not that rare at all. Honestly, I’ve always been grateful for my sharp discernment in life as it provides a lot of clarity for the crap I still have to deal with, and I do need to rely on it a lot. The problem about being sensible though is that failure, thus, seems like it really isn’t an option. I think this in itself is a HUGE failure in prudence…this isn’t Kennedy Space Center after all ;)

The only risk is not to take a risk ~ John Marsden

Us Earthlings need sufficient time and space to grow into our true selves. And we need to make lots of mistakes along the way. Sometimes I think there was a bit too much anticipation leading up to my arrival. Miracle children with strong heads, smart tongues, short tempers and eyes that could and usually did kill, very quickly lose their v.i.p. reps. But kids aren’t angels, they just want to be loved in their messiness ~ and messiness is lovely.

A common misconception about religion is that it requires total conformity to a pre-ordained expectation of humanity. We’re all pains in the butt, however our differences make us beautiful and I think the world would be a very lost and sterile place without the shortfalls of men. There are always ways for us to improve and to be happier but this should come out of freedom and love, and never fear or coercion. The obvious question from here is whether whether moral goodness is universally applicable or relative to subjective circumstance; and there are many interesting and relevant arguments for both thoughts. When it comes to the individual, many things come down to the intention behind them, which is why people shouldn’t be judged based purely on outward actions (or appearances).

…Anyway, that’s what I think 😅

Yay :D

Honestly, I’ve clearly got issues if I get all this out of a driving practice. Anyway, in conclusion, possibly to the dismay of Sydney’s eastern suburbs, I think I might just keep this driving thing up for a while. I’m comprehensively insured, I like the little doobidacky I get to put on my key now, and I’m even starting to get used to people death-staring me, which is progress if ever there was. It’s taken me a while, but I know now that I’ll never be very good at lots of things, but I don’t want this to get in the way of just being happy and trying my best.

Thanks for reading this. I banked out on therapy years ago ;) xoxoxo.