My Christmas Will Be Worse Than Yours: An Ebenezer Scrooge Spin-Off Tale

The year is 2023, and the author is sitting under the South Pylon of the Sydney Harbour Bridge because she feels this makes her look clever and important. It’s not snowing which is killing her vibe, but she soldiers on in spite of this baffling choice made by the December sky. The sun peers through the clouds and caresses her face at such an angle that, had she the bone-structure of a Parisian model, she’d be quite photo-ready at this moment. As this thought flitters easily away, she laughs, (probably flicking her hair tactfully aside), self-assured in the knowledge that girls with perfect noses are always boring. Pride isn’t even within the author’s vocabulary ~ we had to have a dictionary delivered.

…Thought I’d better make an entrance since it’s been so long ahahaahahah. Haven’t been able to write much lately, but the spirit of Christmas has inspired me to provide some context for why I write the way I write, namely that is with a general focus on perfectionism and it’s beautiful counterpart, self-acceptance <3 

And here it goes… (seriously, do brace yourself).

As a child I was lead quite strongly to believe by someone who should have reinforced the opposite, that I was never good enough no matter how tirelessly I tried. Not even a NASA engineer, she deduced that telling me I was ugly, fat, stupid and exceptionally selfish, would make me cry in zero-time flat. If I was feeling especially smug that day, it was discovered that 14 or so slaps would do the job just as well, and that a bit of fresh air for a few hours overnight never did anyone any harm. 

While I was a fairly sensible child and could readily perceive that basic laws of reason were void in this woman, the words which come from your own mother’s mouth will always leave an impression; certifiable nutcase or not. 

When I was 18 I moved inter-state, completed a BA in Italian (minus a few subjects hehe) and of course my beautiful B. in Nursing <3 <3. I made some good friends, went to therapy, became a bit of a Jesus-lady, and generally came to understand that my life was my own for the taking, and not hers anymore :) 

…

You weren’t expecting that were you? Ahahahaha. Oh well, I’ll pretend not to notice the stolen glances of admiration upon our next encounter <3

More than anything, I wanted to establish the fact that just like everybody, my wings have also been broken, so that I can freely dispense some Christmas-flavoured life advice without looking like a nincompoop.

Above: Entangled but NOT discouraged

As with anything in life, reality seldom meets our expectations. Christmas and New Year are no exception to this rule. 

I’d have to be shot if I didn’t admit that my life as I know it is pretty damn great. And while I really have nothing to complain of, I think it’s fair to state that life is still hard. It is for everybody. 

One of my favourite things about work is that I get to chat to old people all day (including the Karens <3). With them I’m lucky to be constantly reminded that life is only ever what you make of it. 

Positivity and creative thought is something that we’re all capable of practising. It requires a lot of strength as it involves pushing against rigorous negative feed-back loops designed to ensure our survival. But if biceps are possible for inspired couch potatoes (though not for myself thus far), then so is neuro-plasticity. 

^^And don't you forget it, baby

…But just not today.

It's December 24th and I’ve got a bit of a pity party to throw for myself instead. So bear with me. 

As I mentioned, I guess rather ruthlessly in the headline (but who could blame me), my Christmas will probably be much worse than yours. 

See, I recently decided I won’t be making anymore trips to QLD to visit my parents because they usually end in tears…and puffy eyelids simply won’t help me find a boyfriend before New Year’s Eve (not that there’s much chance of that with or without peri-ocular oedema around here). 

And when you thought your housemates were actually your mates, you’d have to think again because it turns out they both have plans on the 25th of December (I mean really and truly). 

If it wasn’t already perceivable, it’s bloody hot around here and our apartment of course doesn’t have an air conditioner. (The fans Amelia bought us simply aren’t good enough ~ just like everything else she does around here). 

At this point I should probably mention I have a hang nail, and knowing my luck I’m certain it’ll be infected (pussy if not gangrenous) come Christmas mourn (~ my joke for the year).

But guys, please don’t feel sorry for me! If I manage to make it back from the emergency department before the sun sets, I’ll microwave my leftovers from Friday and open the Amazon book package I left under the tree for myself last week. And I’d honestly be grateful if the girls decide to stay home another few nights anyway, because I’ll finally get some peace and tranquility around here, which is more than can be said for the rest of our world today.

…

Ok, so embellishments and exaggerations aside, this probably does sum up accurately my December 25.

I’m actually pretty grateful though, to have a low-fuss one this year. I think it’s a privilege to have the space to calmly observe the dust in life settle, to evaluate where I am and where I’m going without the outside noise. Many people with large annoying families would like even a small piece of this, I’m sure hehe. 

It must be added that there were a handful of Christmas tables at which I would have been welcomed with open arms. I know that the respective hosts won’t mind my saying that it does get tiring being an extra on a set. I spent the day volunteering at a church in the city, and it’s honestly the best Christmas I’ve had to date. I know that life won’t be like this forever, and I find a lot of peace and hope in the fact that I’ll have my own family one day, and will do my utmost to ensure I’m a better mum than she was to us.

If you were to ask me, there are very few things I’d change about my life had I the choice. Since it’s Christmas though, I’ll give you one. I think that we’re all capable of loving each other more fiercely than we do. Everybody wants to leave a personal mark on this world, but in reality no human activity we achieve will ever be that remarkable. In 130 years, everything I did here will be a mere whisper. But maybe we might all change the course of history by buying coffee and pastry for the people at work who hate us, and by hugging our friends with true tenderness and sincerity <3

Above: Because It IS a Wonderful Life

And with that, I think our reformed friend Mr. Scrooge would like to sign off for us. So I’ll clear the stage:

“I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!”

(Dickens, A Christmas Carol).

All the very very best for the year ahead dear my friends <3 <3 <3